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{Seared scallops in a rich white wine sauce with herbs, garlic, lemon, and tomato.}

“Who stole our camera and took those pictures?” At least that’s what I thought I heard Mr. Melonfish say as he passed by my desk.  Totally beside myself I checked to make sure I didn’t have bananas in my listeners — nope, no bananas.  What do you mean who?  Who do you THINK!  My mind swirled, are my pictures usually crap? What is he saying?  I briefly went hypersensitive insane on him and demanded answers.  He said he meant it as a compliment.  With compliments like that who needs insults!

Maybe this is payback for putting the bacon in the freezer and thus dashing his dreams of an egg sandwich this morning.  Or possibly he’s still holding a grudge from the times I put knives blade end up into the dishwasher forcing him to stab himself.  You would think he’d learn by now.

From whatever displaced place this latent aggression lies and these so called compliments originate, I for one beg his pardon! Since the camera was a gift from Chris in the first place, I really should shut up about it already but it’s much more my style to harp and then silently pout.  On a deeper more esoteric level — I need to make sure gifts of this ilk keep coming my way, so this is officially the end of it.  Snort.

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{Tender and crunchy, fresh calamari with a squeeze of lemon is the ultimate Sunday snack.}

Mmm, I know right? Nom nom nom.  Hic. What’s that? Oh Yes, of courshe you can has some.  Here you go, a plate special for you!  I love squid too, in all forms — stuffed, ceviche, stewed, but fried is still my favorite.  This recipe leaves the calamari tender and sweet on the inside and crisp and savory on the outside. I’m warning you; make extra because people will start flocking to your kitchen once they find out what kind of no good you’re up to.

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{Don’t they know it’s rude to stare?}

They’re hee-ere….not the extraterrestrials, the fava beans.  They are just vegetables after all so don’t worry about them tying you up and holding you hostage or overthrowing the government or anything like that.  Just don’t look them straight in the eyes or they might hypno-bamboozle you flat in your tracks. If they do manage to outsmart you while your cooking, then you had it coming, dummy.  The weirdest part I admit is the googly eyes, I don’t remember that from last year — maybe they’re evolving, rapidly. Scary!

{Just look at them trying to intimidate me on my own porch!  Cigarette butts everywhere — such the riff raff.}

When I lived on the east coast we got Gypsy Moths this time of year. Out here in California we get fava beans (pretty sweet I know).  This recipe would be all wrong with caterpillars though, so for all you New Englanders, nice try but no substitutions.

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{Long noodles cooked in aromatic broth with young spring vegetables, basil, and crispy tofu.}

I know a long life noodle from a curse you to an early death noodle any day of the week — and these my friends are like if that pool from the movie Cocoon made noodles too.  Magic.  I also believe in the mighty power of suggestion and all jokes aside, whenever I see these on a menu, it’s one order for me please thank you.  Spring is my favorite time of year for food, everything grows in such abundance that certain vegetables are often harvested when they are young and at their most tender.

Earlier in the week I made some delicious chicken broth using ginger and chilies so when I saw all the sweet organic veggies at the market my mind began to wander, and then all I needed was noodles.  There’s a tiny market nearby that make homemade vermicelli that they don’t cut; it’s simply folded over and then packaged.  Each strand is about three feet long and is so delicately thin that cooking them within a broth is perfect.

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{Pillowy, soft poached eggs rest their weary yolks upon toasted buttery breads.}

This is my favorite breakfast, pure and simple.  I’ve tried for years to perfect the soft boiled egg and just cannot get the yolk perfect and ensure the top shell is removed sans those most undesirable shards.  And that the yolk is runny on the inside and jelly around the edges that is easily achieved by poaching.
There’s something comforting about this meal’s raw elegance in that, if for some reason I should wake up in the forest alone and hungry, I’m secure in the fact I could scavenge old bread and an egg from the dwellers there to poach and toast by a sunlit stream.  I’d serve it on dewy leafs to the field mice, burrow owls, and any forest friends awake and hungry.  Here’s what you need for kitchen preparation (ad-hoc wilderness improvisations are up to you of courshe.)

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{Tender pieces of halibut lightly coated in sweet rice flour and stir-fried with ginger, garlic, soy, and citrus ponzu.}

When I saw this halibut in the market I couldn’t resist it’s charms.  It’s milky complexion, that sweet saline bouquet, I was powerless to it’s sorcery.  Oh, wicked fish your death was not in vein!  Your icy grave is a throne by which we mortals worship; come with me now — the finest soy derivatives await you!

This is the type of dish I frequently make — two main ingredients and then flavored with what I have fresh and handy. I always have garlic, ginger, limes, and Asian pastes and sauces.  I was craving those flavors anyhow so away I went with my trusty wok.

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{This belated Valentine tart more than made up for it’s tardy arrival.}

{I cant resist these, crispy thin charred shallots are the secret ingredient.}

I’ve been sitting on this post for weeks now, it seems I’m paralyzed by my own dim wits and flat can’t get it together. This is it, despite the state of things — it’s going up today.  I do have to admit, covering my face in shame, that I’m deeply entranced by the Big Brother feeds right now.  I can’t look away.  At this point I think I’m just waiting for them to start eating one another and last night I swear I saw cannibalism peek it’s cute little head through the front door before shyly scampering off.  He’ll be back, I’m sure of it and I’d better not miss a thing!

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{Thin veal cutlets, creamy sauce, olive dressing, and coral pasta might just do the trick.}

Really that’s just Italian for tuna and veal which I am aware doesn’t much sound like creatures that would get along well on a plate or barn or sea.  Sometimes you have to take a chance and this is one of those days.  Like with life, things are going to get worse before they get better.

There is an unlikely and deep involvement with the stinky anchovy to contend with.  And rogue as he may be, this dish would be nothing without his unique brand of social graces.  Along with the aforementioned, you will also enjoy an excruciating task of squeezing the seeds from one million tiny olives.  Just let your mind wander, and one harrowing cup worth of fruit later, you’ll thank me as your thoughts exit the existential to marvel over your yield.

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{Feast your eyes on that leafy lettuce landscape!}

This is the most aromatic dish I can ever remember cooking.  When the lemongrass, ginger, garlic, and chilies are sizzling away the most intoxicating  scents filled the house.  I just couldn’t get over it or imagine the taste would live up to this finest of foreshadowing. But did it ever, this was right up my alley and smack on the money for me.  The flavors are vivid and perfectly combined to not overpower one another, it reminded me of the the most magnifiscent Thai meals I still dream of.  In fact, I just went to the store for more chilies so I can make this again tonight.

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